It's been ages since I've written anything substantial in here. Or in my own journal. Or anywhere at all, for that matter.
I once read a quote somewhere that says, "It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time".
But what about a girl who has a diary (i mean journal of course... oh who am i kidding, it's a diary) and is struggling to keep her diary, who inks her diary with short, unfinished attempts, who desperately wants to make time for an intimate night in with no one except her pen, and the feel of fresh pages waiting to be marked up and etched with memories? But what if she just can't manage to resist the calling of a good night out and losing herself in the haze of epicurean delights and woozy wines and dim bar lights and spinning disco balls?
I'm definitely a good girl. I mean, good girls can go out every day of the week, sleep a handful of hours a night, show up (unintentionally) late to work (or everything), pile weeks of unwashed laundry in the corner, fill the fridge with days old leftovers and takeout boxes and who knows what else, spend a little too much on drinks (or everything), and feel like their lives are barely being held together by a thin and quickly unraveling piece of (egyptian silk) thread... right?
When I start to write more, does that make me a "good" good girl again? I think I miss writing. It's more than just keeping a diary... ahem, journal. Maybe it's a lifestyle. Maybe it could even be considered neglecting a part of me that I haven't felt in a while and is starting to forget about.
I guess I've been occupied, being a bon vivant is a full time job, especially when you want to do your best. Because you can't half-ass something like that. I'm going full speed. But I feel like my foot is still hovering over the brakes and wanting to tap it just lightly. But also not wanting it enough to actually do it. Maybe I don't want it to slow, I just want to see where it takes me.
I don't have time to write down and reflect upon everything that happens, but it also doesn't mean I'm not savoring every second of this near-chaos.
Is this entry contradictory cuz I'm writing right now?
Shit, I have work in a few hours. finish this later.
G'night, stay good.
