I just rejected a $48k job and I would love to say it feels one hundred percent spectacular, but honestly part of me regrets the security I would have had, the money I could have used to pay off my loans, and that spot on my resume I need to fill with something substantial. And I can't help feeling that way, it's just the nasty, lingering aftertaste of a missed opportunity. It took me two weeks of agonizing, countless sleepless hours, Mobius thoughts, "but what if's" and "maybe I could's". But... I thought about it a billion, trillion times, imagined every scenario possible of me sitting there all day looking at arbitrary numbers and financial statements that don't matter... things I couldn't care about and couldn't see a purpose in, interacting with the same people doing the same things every single day, and I couldn't do it. No matter what I just couldn't see myself being happy, even if I could buy every drink in the world to ease the pain, and every dress on the rack to look good while doing it. And even if I don't get into graduate school, I just couldn't see this path playing out in any way that would be even satisfactory. I know everybody says that a job is a job is a job and nothing more. But I guess it takes a lot to make me happy and maybe you'll see me pay the consequences for it.
But I have this feeling that no matter how hard these next couple months will be, with no steady income, no stable 9-5, no sense of solid direction... everything will be rosy. or at least rosier than it would have been.
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