paradise lost... on me?

My least favorite class this quarter is surprisingly an English class. on Milton. I really do respect him, but I just can't get myself to enjoy his works.

But I've been pondering about this, and I think Milton didn't exactly mean for his works to be enjoyable. I think he wanted it to be instructive more than anything. And he's right, his fit audience is very few and I happen not to be one of them. I originally thought the reason I was having such a hard time with Milton was because I couldn't relate to his works or his characters. In Paradise Lost, God is too perfect, Adam and Eve don't really have personalities, and Satan... well what does that say about me if I can relate to Satan?

But then I thought about it so'more, and I can really understand Milton, the poet. He's invokes God and these muses to help him achieve this almighty "purpose" on Earth that he believes he is destined to achieve, aims for the seemingly impossible and struggles so hard, but at the same time is completely lost, confused, and constantly in doubt of his own capabilities. And I've definitely felt that before.

I wonder what made Milton wake up one day and believe that it was his duty to communicate God's message to humankind, while I wake up everyday and think, "No! 5 more minutes, please!" And I still wonder all the time what I'm here to do, if I'm doing it right, or if I'm here to do anything at all.

So I guess even if I can't appreciate Paradise Lost as an epic literary work, I can at least appreciate the fact that Milton knew his inherent destiny, and had the unwavering determination and ambition to fulfill it, even after facing challenges such as going blind, amongst others

I'm just trying really, really hard to get through the next few Books.

And finish this Chaucer essay (and heres the catch): without going crazy!